A Good View of the Iceland Clouds.
April 17, 2010
Like the beating wings of a butterfly, all it takes for a little mountain in a little country to cause worldwide chaos is to cough steaming ash into the sky. Thankfully I’m not stuck in some sweaty terminal with my crying carry-ons and tepid cups of coffee, so I’m allowed to comment on the crazy state of the world in this crisis. I’m not trying to belittle the effects of this volcanic eruption, but it’s just kind of humorous that we have NO ONE to blame!! All this frustration, and we can’t even blame our government!! AAGHHH!! My NO VOLCANOBAMA! picket sign will have to hang out in the garage for a while until (fingers crossed!) Satan’s face manifests in the cloud. Shucks!
So, to those of you who are unaware, Eyjafjallajökull, (pronounced Hey, Ya Fellow Yokel! …good enough) a glacier in Iceland, erupted on April 14th, the same day the Titanic hit an iceberg, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, and VHS was invented. Coincidence? Conspiracy? Hidden “LOST” clue? Yes, No, Probably. As a result, a huge cloud of volcano breath has hitched a ride along the air waves completely clouding 90% of Europe and canceling 99% of air traffic. In short, people are freaking the hell out. At the moment people don’t really care if the folks in Iceland are suffocating, but rather thinking, “Why the shit can’t we get a flight from Paris to JFK?! ”
The impossibility of air travel has been causing the world to shit their pants in a way that you only see in the eyes of Mary Jane Watson when she’s waiting for Spider-Man to save her. But we have no Spider-Man or Superman to clear the ash. Mother Nature is the unbeatable villain at the end of our video game, and we haven’t even beaten the Haiti level.
For some reason I get some sick pleasure in knowing that all these people stuck in airports are just miserable and are practically clacking their ruby slippers together if it would mean they could travel to the Western Hemisphere. The reason why I find this intriguing is because events like these make us realize how much we rely on technology to make our days go smoothly. Think about it. Imagine if the ash cloud suddenly cut all wireless internet/phone services. People would run out of Kindle books to read, no one could update their Facebook statuses (Still in Airport. Waiting. Ugh. posted about a minute ago), and secretaries wouldn’t received obnoxious “GET ME TO NEW YORK!” phone calls from their bosses. To be honest, I think it’s kind of grand.
While my heart goes out to those frustrated individuals (especially those who are sitting next to their crazed parents) stuck in Europe, waiting for someone to pat that coughing volcano on the back, I am lucky to be one of the 62% of individuals (source: Wall Street Journal) who are not affected by the ash cloud.
Let’s just hope Mother Nature leaves the Yellowstone Eruption level for the sequel. Enjoy your regional flights while you can, America!