~*~ Heidi Montag ROXX!! ~*~
April 1, 2010
“Life is, like, hard.”
You know what, Heidi? You’re so right. It is. You have my sympathy completely. I know I’m just a lowly Wyoming boy who really enjoys his low-paying job and living at home with mom, but I totally, totally sympathize with you. So this is my open letter to you, idol of mine.
~*~*~ Dear Heidi,
OMG! You are amazing to, like, the infinity power. If there’s two things I want in this life, they are a see-through refrigerator stocked with Yoplait Light yogurt (Apple Turnover and Banana Cream Pie, mostly) and to look, sing, act and be exactly like you. This will come with TONS of hard work and practice. I know this because of how hard you worked, but I know that I am a dedicated individual with a knack for celebrity. We are so alike, it’s scary.
So, in this long road to embodying you, obviously I should sign on to do a classy reality television show like when you did “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills”, but, like, there are NO other hot people where I live (WYOMING, UGHHHH)… So, yeah. Like, you just got so successful for doing practically nothing but eat lunch and make friends and call them bitches behind their back. LOLz! OmG, Lauren can be such a biiitch. My friend Cammi is, like, just like her so I TOTALLY understand. Sometimes I’m just like “Eff, what is your problem?”
So anyway, I know I’m not fugly or anything, but I respect what you say about loving your body and wanting it to be awesome looking. So, I took your advice and I am getting plastic surgery in three weeks!!! I got this consultant thing yesterday and they did this like digital something something (I wasn’t listening) and they found out what I will look like after my surgeries.
SO hot, right? I mean. Obviously not as hot as your “After” shot. You will always be hotter than everyone in the world. That’s what makes you so talented!
So, my next step after making myself look more beautifuler will be try and make sure that EVERY tabloid notices me. I plan on dating someone who is also crazy attractive and make sure that we get into a fight, and then make up, and then get into a fight, and make up. (This will all happen on the reality show, too, btw.) People need to know what it’s like to be me, so, hopefully every cover will see me for who I really am: a talented, Oscar-worthy actor with an effing amazing bod. Like, seriously, come on.
So, I heard you want to be a TV executive, and that is so cool!! I want to do that too. I have this awesome idea for a reality show about hot people in this hot town and they have hot parents and stuff, but they have to deal with, like, real life things like school and prom and what it means to be beautiful in an ugly world. I mean these are issues the youth of this country is facing. Anyway, some of the conversations on the show will be completely text messaged. I think it’ll show more depth and honesty.
So anywayz. I LOVE YOU!!!!! **~*~*~*~* and it’s the truth. Just know that. I hope you become even more super famous and stuff, and your album is so good. “More is More” is my ringtone and whenever someone calls me, everyone is all like “WTF is that awesome song?” and I’m like “Uh, hello? Heidi Montag!” and they’re all like, “Oh duh! She’s awesome.” So, yeah.
K, BYE! Love you lotz. Ur amazing. Stay hot.
LOVE, ❤ ❤ ❤ Andy Munz
Happy April Fools, everyone!